Craziest drunken arrest story ever

Taken from the Paddock, the general discussion board on CatsPause.com.  I live there:

A guy on the board mentioned that he’s legally required to never enter a Regal Cinema again, anywhere in the world.  These are some of the posts about it.  First one is him answering somebody who asked him why not:
 
Originally posted by justa:
Druken night. Lots of kicking glass doors in, breaking through walls Kool Aid style, jumped from the 2nd story of a parking garage trying to elude cops, couple dog bites from said cops K9 unit, punching manequins in Sears, and a ish load of restitution and lawyer bills. Luckily I was in a town were a family member know a Matlock type lawyer. So got it all expunged if I stayed out of trouble for 2 yrs.And I never took ripped fuel again or drank brown alcohol..


 


Originally posted by UnfrozenCatfanLawyer:

GD, Incredible Hulk. Did you throw some cars around while you were at it?


Originally posted by justa:

Actually I did jump on top of the mall security guards car, while he was in it.

I had actually made all the restitution before the court date so none of the places, showed up and didnt press charges. The only trouble I had was the security guard was driving an 86 Tercel and claimed I did $2K worth of damages to it, C’mon. And he wouldn’t budge so I had to pay that to keep him from pressing. Just ended up with a couple minor things but it all vanished and I have a clean record.

I was taking Ripped Fuel for like 3 months, dropped liek 50 lbs and hadnt drank in 6 months. Decided to celebrate with a bang and drink Makers all night. It was probably a blessing I did what I did because I was actually walking across town to get my truck and somehow wondered into a mall. If I had made it to my truck I could have easily killed someone.

And because the original charges were all serious felonies I was put in the real jail, giving the uniform, the whole bit. My cell mate was a murderer waiting extradition to another state. And it was a Sunday morning so having family come up with the bail was taking forever.

I seriously didn’t tell a soul about that for a few years then finally after it had all been wiped clean I started telling the story and everytime one of my friends introduce me to someone new they are always like “Your the mall guy right?”


Originally posted by CClarkUK:
Pretty safe to say that somewhere in world, at this very minute, someone is on their way to purchase some ripped fuel and a fifth of Beam.


Originally posted by justa:
Seriously we went into court my lawyer nodded to the prosecutor and they went back into chambers. Came out and said your all good just dont get into trouble for 2 years. I never even had to go enter a plea or anything. He was about 75 years old, semi retired and knew every judge, prosecutor, etc in the area. DEFINITELY saved my ass.

Random

Comments (0)

Permalink

Funny gmail, mark III

Another between Cooper and I:

Chris: so there is a guy I have known for about 3 years that I work wiht - his nickname is “Awesoe Rothman” b/c he always says “awesome!” to anything.

me: and “Rothman” because his name is Ross and he has a lisp, right?

Chris: haa - no - Anyway - McArdle and I used to have this theory that he was gay (mostly formed after this unfortunate pic of all of us and Rotham with a pom-pom looking fruity as all get out).
well - I am buddies with him on facebook - he just loaded up some pics - the album is called “Metro Night Out”
the description is “we went to qwest, saul good and then mamma mia (but don’t tell anyone)”

me: Dude.
He definitely likes lime in it when nobody’s looking.

Chris: he has made bro-ish comments before but it was like way over the top.  I remember once when I was going through some pics he was like - who is that?  She has got a nice big rack!
…it was Sandy.

Sent at 9:43 AM on Thursday

Chris: the fact he used two adjectives about something that wasn’t obvious made me go “lol wut?”

Sent at 9:45 AM on Thursday

me: He commented on Sandy’s bodacious ta-tas?

Chris: haha

me: All I can think of is the South Park episode when Mr. Garrison used to be in the closet
and he says “I don’t know about you guys, but taking some fine ho home and getting some sweet poon is just about my favorite thing in the world.  Am I right?”

Chris: that is pretty much spot on Rothman

me: hahahahahaha

 

 

Random

Comments (0)

Permalink

Funny gmail, mark II

Between my buddy Chris Cooper and I.  Cooper explaining his “strategy” for our fantasy football draft.  It’s his first year:

Chris: heh
I have decided that on Saturday I am going to get my strategy together for Sunday

me: I have the list of all the keepers that are already off the board, if you need it.
Sure is nice that mine had a tantrum and got himself suspended for two games.
awesome.

Chris: gonna sit outside after I mow the lawn and use my programming experience to write a program to help me out - that’s right - gonna use the power of computers to help me out.

me: haha

Chris: no thinking needed - I will just hit a button and it will tell me what to do

me: I gotta tell you man… If you win with that strategy, I’m going to punch holes in my wall, lol
Just got this from Amber:
Amber: I just filed an insurance certificate for KY CHFS
Sent at 1:40 PM on Thursday
me: oh yeah?
From lexington?
Amber: mmhmm
You are insured out the wazoo
That’s why she’s marrying me, ladies and gentleman.
Government health care.

Chris: pwerful stuff

Sent at 2:09 PM on Thursday

Chris: I have been thinking about it - I think I will use a local instance of an HSQL database and use JDBC to connect to it.  I will need to import some draft data - so I’ll write an import tool.  Then I can add columns to flag the player once they are picked.  When my time comes I will do some calculations on the data and determine who (of the available players with our scoring system) will be the best choice.

me: Yeah, that might work.

Chris: I’ll make it so that it makes beeps and shit while it is thinking - then when it gives me the name it makes a big “dong” sound or something.

me: or you can get an SPL for PQED.  Just remember to have the QE2 there in time to pick up the CBA, or you’ll be SOL.

Chris: STFU

me: LOL

 

Random

Comments (0)

Permalink

Funny gmail chat convos, mark I

1)  Between Amber C (my fiancee) and her best friend Melissa:

Amber:  What the hell is a bridal shower?
like, do you have some formal sit-down shit or something?
or isn’t that just part of the bachelorette party?
confusion.

Melissa:  nope
they are different
bachelorette party is where you go drinking and get shit faced with me and migets
bridal shower is where you inivte your mom and your grandmother and church ladies and they buy you blenders. its more of an afternoon/finger food/punch/cake thing as opposed to a late night/shots of tequila/cocaine/taco bell thing
get it?

Random

Comments (0)

Permalink